1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9… It’s the Web2 Commandments

#1. Always make sure to follow Google’s Guidelines for Webmasters completely. HAHAHAHA J/K I wouldn’t do that to Tropical readers ;-) Uh-huh,

Biggie Smalls

I been in this game for years, it made me a animal. It’s rules to this sh*t, I wrote me a manual. A step by step booklet for you to get your game on track, not your wig pushed back.

Rule nombre uno: never let no one know how much dough you hold, cause you know, the cheddar breed jealousy. ‘Specially if that man f*cked up, get your *ss stuck up.

Number two: never let em know your next move. Don’t you know Bad Boys move in silence or violence. Take it from your highness (uh-huh). I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for they bricks and chips.

Number three: never trust no-bo-dy. Your moms’ll set that *ss up, properly gassed up. Hoodie to mask up, sh*t, for that fast buck, she be layin in the bushes to light that *ss up.

Number four: know you heard this before, Never get high on your own supply.

Number five: never sell no crack where you rest at, I don’t care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce.

Number six: that godd*mn credit, get it. You think a crackhead payin you back, sh*t forget it!

Seven: this rule is so underrated, keep your family and business completely separated. Money and blood don’t mix like two [web 2.0 sites] and no [userbase], find yourself in serious sh*t.

Number eight: never keep no weight on you, them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jobs too.

Number nine shoulda been number one to me, if you ain’t gettin bags stay the f*ck from police (uh-huh). If [dudes] think you snitchin ain’t tryin listen, they be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin.

Number ten: a strong word called consignment, strictly for live men, not for freshmen. If you ain’t got the clientele say h*ll no, ’cause they gon want they money, rain sleet hail snow.

Follow these rules you’ll have mad bread to break up. If not, twenty-four years, on the wake up, slug hit your temple, watch your frame shake up, caretaker did your makeup, when you pass, your girl [ranked] my man Jake up, heard in three weeks, she sniffed a whole half a cake up. Heard she [linked promiscuously], and can hook a [Web site] up.

Gotta go gotta go, more pies to bake up, word up… RIP

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21 comments ↓

#1 markus941 on 06.19.07 at 5:46 pm

Sometimes your words just hypnotize me.

And I just love your flashy ways.

(Guess that’s why they broke, and you’re so paid)

#2 oh word on 06.19.07 at 5:47 pm

andy, you crazy for this one!

#3 stuntdubl on 06.19.07 at 5:55 pm

“Either you’re slinging crack rock or you got a wicked jump shot.”

…or I guess you’re building websites…

#4 Copy King on 06.19.07 at 6:38 pm

You need to lay off the chronic, yo.

#5 James Dunn on 06.19.07 at 7:10 pm

I must not watch enough gangster movies. Translation anyone?

#6 julien on 06.19.07 at 7:47 pm

this was brilliant.

#7 sugarrae on 06.19.07 at 11:14 pm

>>>I must not watch enough gangster movies

Dude, James… — the guy in the picture is not a “gangster” - a “gangsta” yes, but not a “gangster”. More specifically, the guy in the picture is The Nortorious B.I.G. - known in his early days as Biggie Smalls.

And Andy, according to this you should have signed that post “Steamy Rat Snatch”. :P

#8 admin on 06.19.07 at 11:19 pm

Steamy Rat Snatch?

I’ll stick with Fat Andy, or “Fats” for short.

#9 kching on 06.19.07 at 11:34 pm

fo’ shizzle my nizzle

#10 AsHaL on 06.20.07 at 6:04 am

Andy, I am officially in love with you. For real. When I started learning SEO, yours was one of the first blogs I subscribed to and I’ve loved many of your articles - but this will probably wind up as my all time favorite!

Great info but more than that - YOU BROUGHT BIGGIE BACK. You got maaad skillz for presenting that info in such a creative way. LoL.

For real though, thanks for all the great posts you’ve had, it’s been invaluable to my learning more about SEO.

(And I’m all about the Lazy SEO Manifesto!)

#11 Jeremy Luebke on 06.20.07 at 7:15 am

Haha isn’t it amazing what brings out all the comments. ;)

#12 admin on 06.20.07 at 7:56 am

> Andy, I am officially in love with you.

Sweet. I assume you are 26, female, and cute? ;-)

#13 kensavage on 06.20.07 at 8:10 am

Hey if I find the ChuckD audio, you gotta embed it in the beginning of this post. Maybe mix that with the Biggie song and loop it while people read this post. Feelin me?

I’ll do the audio if you use it.

#14 admin on 06.20.07 at 8:16 am

> Feelin me?

Ha, I almost did that myself, but I just couldn’t bring myself to embed audio in a post, it’s sooooo obnoxious…

#15 kensavage on 06.20.07 at 11:41 am

use the podpress plugin. Simple way to press play and get your audio. Shoemoney’s site is a good example that uses it. Just a suggestion.

#16 AsHaL on 06.22.07 at 7:06 am

>Sweet. I assume you are 26, female, and cute? ;-)

Actually Andy, I’m 24, female and cute. A little too young perhaps? LoL.

I noticed you’re moving to Texas, so good luck with that - get back to blogging as soon as you can!

Oh, if you ever do consider a personal assistant, I wouldn’t mind a change of scenery. But I’m so good, I sure don’t come cheap!

#17 Altares on 06.24.07 at 10:59 pm

Were you drunk when you wrote this?

#18 shor on 06.24.07 at 11:38 pm

I already can see it on Amazon, ‘Get Money - A business treatise on making bread and cheddar’ by Wallace & Hagans.

Epic work Andy, Jay-Z and Nas can fight for the crown, but you’ve just proved Biggie is eternal!

#19 admin on 06.25.07 at 8:23 am

> Were you drunk when you wrote this?

I wasn’t necessarily NOT drunk.

#20 David Eaves on 06.29.07 at 7:04 am

Class!

#21 Manish Pandey on 07.01.07 at 2:01 pm

Yeah that are a the most brilliant list of DOs/Don’ts on SEO!

Keep it up Andy!

Manish